The Plan

I want to be independent
I want to be carefree
I want to be different
and watch
it will happen
it already is happening
my shift
my transformation
my metamorphosis.
this plan
set into motion
on a sleepless night.
the first test?
"you are replaced
by another girl.
what do you do?"
my response:
"walk on by.
his loss, not mine.
a smile and a wink
and I'm gone."

the project is working.

I feel so free
I feel so independent
I feel--
I feel
good.
for the first time
in months.

-Best thing I've ever done. Ever.-

<3 = brittany

24th of July

sitting on the cold grass
alone
couples laying behind me
families laying before me
the smell of fireworks in my nose.
the Rocket jitters still in my hands.

I see the daughters
with their mothers
I see the fathers
with their sons
and I smile.
I remember fireworks
as a child
hugging to my parents
fighting off mosquitoes
snuggled in a big old quilt.
I almost cry.

I see the boys
with their girls
I see the girls
with their boys
and I smile.
I dream of fireworks
as a woman
hugging to him
who cares about mosquitoes?
snuggled in his big warm arms.
I almost cry.
I'm alone
but that's okay.

I'll just sit and dream.

-I went to Lagoon on the 24th, and they had fireworks that night. I sat alone. No big deal. I had a lot of time to think about things. I needed it. I actually loved going.-

<3 = brittany