Lost Muse

She sits and stares at the blank page. She wills her pencil to write something, anything. But nothing comes. There is so much trapped inside her. So many thoughts, so many feelings, so many sensations. She wants to spill them all out onto the page, wants to fill the whole notebook with the things she holds inside.

But still, nothing comes.

She knows why. Her muse has left. Not a figment of her imagination. Not some character dreamed up to personify a mood. Her real, living, breathing muse. The girl who is both a big sister and twin. The girl who somethers ketchup on practically everything. The girl who is excited about everything, even a new pair of underwear. The girl who bakes marble cakes with chocolate frosting, supplies whipped cream and a ride in that ever-loving red Cutlass. The girl who goes out of her way to give you a hug and a kind word. The girl who dances. The girl who brings the poetry back.

That girl, that muse. That is why she can't write.

That is why.

-Without you, the ground thaws, the rain falls, the grass grows.
Without you, the seeds root, the flowers bloom,
The children play. The stars gleam, the poets dream, the eagles fly, without you.
The earth turns, the sun burns, and I die, without you.

"Without You", RENT.-

<3 = brittany

She Drives.

She drives past the mailbox, trying to forget about the year past. Every red car she sees is the red car. She cranes her neck to see the driver, but it is never the right one.

She drives on, past the dark playgrounds, the ghost towns, the ice cream parlors, the empty roads to nowhere. She wants to close her eyes and stop. She wants to forget. But there is no brake pedal. She'll crash if she tries to forget.

She turns on the radio, but every song is one they sang to. Every song is one they jammed to. Every song only twists the knife in her heart.

No lyric, no poem, no story, no words can fill this void in her soul. She turns off the radio.

She cries silently, mourning the friend who never died. The friendship that began suddenly, unexpectedly, and ended the same way. The sisterhood that began between a senior in a pink poodle skirt and white ribbon in her hair and a sophomore in pink fishnet tights and bright red lipstick. The love that held the near-twins together.

The road never ends, the gas tank never empties, the radio always plays the same songs.

She drives.

-<|3-

<3 = brittany

Best Friends

did all that really happen?
that dizzy swift blur
of fall and winter
of you and me
I can't believe it.
it all started so fast
swept me away in the strong current
of friendship and sisterhood and love.
it was exciting.
it was breathtaking.
it was something new.
I wish we had it back.
those carefree nights
we spent,
us three.
the nights at Bauer
the nights up Smelter
the nights at Middle Canyon
I miss it.
do you?
but we all know
it's impossible to have it back.

but thanks for the lesson.
thanks for the show.

thanks for the ride.

I don't regret it.

-It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime...-

<3 = brittany