Heart Handprints

when everything is going wrong
and no one's around
I know that you'll catch me
as I fall
and I'm thankful
because
I'm no trapeze artist
and sometimes
my wings don't work
sometimes
I drop like a rock
sometimes
well, every time,
I can't catch myself.

and you've been there before.
you've knelt with me
wiped my tears away
held me close
showered me with love
and finger kisses.

I hope that I'm there for you
to listen to you
to kneel with you
to wipe your tears away.
I hope that you'll let me.

because I've learned so much from you.
you have made me who I am.
you have been one of the few
who have shaped me.
taken my broken heart
and mended it.
picked up the pieces
poured some of yourself into it
sewed it back together.
you have left your fingerprints
your handprints
on me
inside me
and I'm glad.

I want to give you so much in return.
girl, I love you.
and I promise,
I will never forget all you've done.
I will never forget you, girl.
because I can't.

you are a part of me.

<3

-A Christmas gift for my "sister". She's done so much for me.-

More Time

hey now
don't worry about it.
we'll be all right.
and anyway,
that's not for months
that gives us more time.

more time
to play
more time
to talk stomach
more time
to eat burritos
more time
to drink orange juice
more time
to play BS.
more time.

more time
to live.
more time
to love.

sure
it's not all the time
in the world,
but it's what we've got.
let's make the most of it, yeah?

-My "sister" was sad about her graduating this year and not seeing her as often, but graduation's not until June and stuffs.-

<3 - brittany

Sometimes

sometimes
sometimes when I stand
next to you
I feel so small
so young
so vulnerable
as I'm looking up at you
and you're holding me.

sometimes
sometimes when I stand
next to you
I feel so tall
so strong
so protective
as you're looking up at me
and I'm holding you.

and sometimes
sometimes when I stand
next to you
I feel like we're the same
like we can conquer everything
like when we're together,
everything will be all right
as I'm looking straight at you
and we're holding each other.

love you, boy-o.

-Just a thought that popped into my head after I talked to him last night.-

<3 - brittany

Talk

hey boy-o
we talked
for two hours
two whole hours
last night.
we haven't talked for so long
that I wanted to talk
until morning.
I wanted to hear your voice
until morning.
I wanted to cry
until morning.
I wanted to laugh
until morning.

we talked about everything
and we talked about nothing.
talked about Christmas break,
talked about graduating,
talked about summers lost,
and summers coming,
talked about relationships.
but we didn't talk enough.

I want to tell you everything.
I want you to know.
but I can't.

I love you, boy-o.
sweet dreams and good night.

-Things are getting better with the boy-o. Dang, I love that kid.-

<3 = brittany

Give Up

all I've heard
from every side
is what I didn't want to hear.
it was something I knew
something inevitable
it has to happen.

they tell me
"give him up.
it's not worth it.
he's not worth it.
he makes you cry.
he's not worth it.
listen to your own advice."
and I see it
and I know it
I have to let you go.
I don't want to.
I never wanted to.
but I have to.

please understand
I love you
I really do.
you're like a brother
you're like a twin
but it's too close.
and I can't do it.
I need to let go.
I need to give up.
I need to give up on you.

-I was hurting myself by hanging on so hard and so long. I needed to let go.-

<3 = brittany

Chin Up

someone wise once told me
"if he makes you cry
he's not worth it."
and I can see
I can hear
I know
he makes you cry.
he doesn't seem worth it.
doesn't seem worthy of
your attention
your love
your time
doesn't seem worthy of
you.

come on girl
chin up.
it's not the end.
there are plenty of us
who care about you.
there are plenty of us
who want to be with you.
there are plenty of us
who love you.

love you.

-A friend of mine was having some boy trouble and I wanted to do what I could for her. I wanted to let her know that it wasn't the end of the world and that there were other people that cared about her.

It worked well. <3-

<3 = brittany

Afraid

I used to be afraid that no one would listen.
I used to be afraid that my words were too long.

but now
but now

I have so many things to say
but words will not come out
I want the sentences to flow out of me
flow onto the page
but
I'm afraid I have no words left in me.
I'm afraid I'm empty.

no.

I'm afraid it will all stay inside
fermenting and stinking in me
until I explode
and find the hidden words.
words will hang unspoken
broken on the floor
and I will not, cannot say anything at all.

-I fall into periods where, no matter what I try, I just can't write. Words don't come, but I know they're somewhere inside me, hiding.-

<3 = brittany

What's the Matter?

what's the matter?

nothing.
nothing
just a little stressed, that's all.

what's the matter?

I told you
nothing
just leave me alone
I can do it myself.

what's the matter?

look
can't you just stop?
I don't need anyone to help me.
I'll do it myself.

what's the matter?

nothing.

that means everything.

I can do it myself.

no you can't.

I- no. I can't.

-Just a pretty old vent piece. I guess I think that I can do things by myself, but I can't. I always need someone there.-

<3 = brittany

In a Week

there is love
right?
I mean,
that's what we say.
we're together
every day
this motley cast
of boys and girls
trying to make it work.
three months of nothing
but each other.
and we're just going to leave it
in a week.
in a week
this'll all be over.
in a week
it's closing night.
in a week
I won't know what to do.
and in a week
I don't want you to leave me.
in a week
we need to get back together.
in a week
this'll all be over.
are we just going to leave it?
c'mon guys
we'll be together
whatever the weather
whether we like it or not.
there is love, right?

-Doing the play was one of the best things I've ever done, and I can't believe it's over.-

<3 = brittany

Third Wheel

I'm sorry.
this happens every time.
I get too close
I get too concerned
I get so nosy
because
I've never done this myself.
I'll just stay away
I just won't talk
I'll be fine
I'm sorry.
I just want to be a part of something.
something wonderful.
part of the game for two.
but I'm the odd one out
the third wheel
the annoying little tagalong sister
the one you try to get rid of.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.

-Story of my life, eh?-

<3 = brittany